Chuck Norris

If you don't live in North America or don't frequent a lot of message boards then you probably haven't caught the Chuck Norris craze. It's kind of hard to explain, cause it's kind of making fun of him, but it's kind of not. Anyway, it's really caught on and there are new "facts" coming out about Chuck Norris all the time.

A FEW of my favorites...(Be prepared to laugh you ass off)

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-Jawbreakers were originally in the shape of Chuck Norris' fist.
-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
-Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
-When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
-It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
-Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
-When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
-Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free
Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
-If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
-Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is
afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
-Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
-Chuck Norris has only one hand: the upper hand.
-The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
-Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.
-Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
-Chuck Norris can speak braille.
-A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
-The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
-Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
-If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
-Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
-Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
-Chuck Norris once went on Celebrity Jeopardy and answered, "Who is Chuck Norris?" to every question. It was the first and only time in Jeopardy history that a contestant answered every
single question right.
-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
-Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Chuck Norris is on yet.
-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.
-The only reason the Energizer Bunny keeps going and going is because it knows Chuck Norris is after it.
-Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
-Chuck Norris doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.

Gratuitous Hot Chick