Last Year's Best Headlines
I'm too distracted with "Maiden-gate"!!! The stuff that's coming our is just unbelievable! People too afraid to speak out against Sharon are coming out in droves suddenly... The bootlegs of the concert (sound only) are painting a very vivid picture... I can only hope video surfaces sometime...
Anyway here' something to lighten the mood... (and yes the comments are MINE, I'm not just a cut and paste guy!)
2004's Best Headlines
"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"
(I want a job as one of these "experts", I bet they get paid really well, have nice cars and lots of vacation time...)
"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
(And suddenly I want to be a cop... It's not only the guns, the girls, the fast cars, the flashing lights... but fuckin running people over, now that's SWEET)
"Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?"
(Not right after I get out of the bath...)
"Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over"
(Suddenly I NEVER want to be a vet... Or do I.......)
"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
(Must be a union shop...)
"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
("Let's try to get him to sign this confession" "No, lets' just try the prick" "Hey, I have an idea... let's shoot'em in the fucking head!")
"War Dims Hope for Peace"
(Don't people proffread this shit? Here's mine..."Death dims hope for first place in dance contest" )
"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"
("If you read this your IQ may drop 50 points")
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
(Would that be to warm temperature or cold temperatures, cause I'm fuckin clueless)
"Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
(And the English wonder why they couldn't catch Jack the Ripper?)
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
(Ah.. OK, we're going around the fuckin Basin)
"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"
(What? Did the last group get too skinny sitting around being tested all day?)
"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"
(Who else would it have been? What else could this mean?)
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
(and now we know Jeffery Dahmer's ghost is writing for the papers...)
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
(I'm telling you son, if you drop out you'll never get a good job and you won't be able to run...)
"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
(For what? Banging their heads on the top of the door frames? Is this ALL 7 foot Dr's? Is there a society or organization of 7 foot Dr's and if they will go after institutions like hospitals what might they go after next?)
Anyway here' something to lighten the mood... (and yes the comments are MINE, I'm not just a cut and paste guy!)
2004's Best Headlines
"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"
(I want a job as one of these "experts", I bet they get paid really well, have nice cars and lots of vacation time...)
"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
(And suddenly I want to be a cop... It's not only the guns, the girls, the fast cars, the flashing lights... but fuckin running people over, now that's SWEET)
"Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?"
(Not right after I get out of the bath...)
"Panda Mating Fails;Veterinarian Takes Over"
(Suddenly I NEVER want to be a vet... Or do I.......)
"Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
(Must be a union shop...)
"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
("Let's try to get him to sign this confession" "No, lets' just try the prick" "Hey, I have an idea... let's shoot'em in the fucking head!")
"War Dims Hope for Peace"
(Don't people proffread this shit? Here's mine..."Death dims hope for first place in dance contest" )
"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"
("If you read this your IQ may drop 50 points")
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
(Would that be to warm temperature or cold temperatures, cause I'm fuckin clueless)
"Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
(And the English wonder why they couldn't catch Jack the Ripper?)
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges"
(Ah.. OK, we're going around the fuckin Basin)
"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"
(What? Did the last group get too skinny sitting around being tested all day?)
"Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft"
(Who else would it have been? What else could this mean?)
"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"
(and now we know Jeffery Dahmer's ghost is writing for the papers...)
"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"
(I'm telling you son, if you drop out you'll never get a good job and you won't be able to run...)
"Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors"
(For what? Banging their heads on the top of the door frames? Is this ALL 7 foot Dr's? Is there a society or organization of 7 foot Dr's and if they will go after institutions like hospitals what might they go after next?)
Gratuitous Hot Chick
(Say what you want, I still like her!)
This is an increadably lame post for even me....
posted by Geeper at 12:05 a.m.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home