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Thursday, February 8

Coffee Demons

My life is full of demons. Not the kind you're thinking of right off the bat. The other kind. I've bottled so many of them it's hard to keep track most of the time. I'd never have the audacity to say I've "beat them" because I still think (more honestly "crave") all of them at different points through the day, week, month etc. If there is a picture of addictive personality in the dictionary, it's me. (I do realize there is no real "addictive personality disorder" and that it is really psychological and emotional needs for certain individuals to mood alter through "addictions". That's me, or ore accurately, that was me and I'm OK admitting that.)

Coffee/caffeine was the latest (and most innocent) addiction I've been trying to put down. I've been using the cost of Muay Thai as a pretty legitimate excuse to stop. A tin of coffee a week + the cost of 4 or 5 extra large black Tim Horton's coffees a week (which always ends up around $2 each after tip) and I was well over $50 a month for coffee, that's roughly the cost of the gym.

I LOVED my coffee. Black. Strong. Steaming. Crap, I'm salivating. Coffee in the morning, coffee at night, coffee at every meal. I could down 15-20 cups a day and still sleep like a baby. I could drink Red Bull after Red Bull back to back like pop. The caffeine just didn't have any effect on me anymore.

Speaking of Red Bull... I was doing really well, if I was truly in a bind and chewing off my arm for a coffee, decaf was starting to give me some relief. It's been 4 months without a single one. I even made it through Christmas without one. So the other day I'm running late, just beat tired and haven't eaten enough all day. I know there is just no way I'm going to survive Muay Thai, so I grab (which coincidentally has strong ties to Muay Thai) a Red Bull. First caffeine in 4 months.

And God said let there be light...

OK, so I've still yet to have that first real coffee. But I've had a few different energy drinks and it's close. There's probably only one or two key stones left in this defence. One side of me just says to give in, it'll happen eventually anyway, you LOVE coffee, just do it. The other side hates to admit defeat, is the fighter in me and can't bare to fail, and to have people know I've failed at something is even worse.

So place your bets now... I'll let you know how it goes.

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